Tuning into the Nuances of the Void

There are two things most dangerous:  apathy and stagnation.  For me?  The former leads to the latter.  It’s a cycle of violence I’ve always struggled to overcome.  It’s like when I’m gourd dancing with my family, and I’m trying to predict by cadence and rhythm the switching of the beat so I can anticipate the appropriate next move–a move which keeps me in sync with my community but ultimately with my choices.

Galactic

So that’s a blend of artistry and pseudo-intellectualism to say something very simple:  I get bored easily.  I’ll save the deep psychological reading of this behavior to my haters.  They’re likely more in tune with it’s nuances anyway.

There are times in my life where I live in life and throw myself into passions deep and plentiful and I’m so deep in the subconscious I don’t even have to breath.  I’ve mutated, growing gills to pick up words and metaphors and  I twist them into a story.  Story gives me life.

galactic nasaThen there are times in my life where the void has no echo and the sound of my voice carries only inches from my mouth.  If I screamed it would carry further, but I don’t scream anyway so that doesn’t matter.  When the stagnation grows up my feet and grabs my ankles, through my veins and into my throat, my voice is lost.  In desperation I can see apathy moving toward me like dark matter carrying a wave of asteroids ready to crush me.  And you say the void has no noise.  But it’s loud.  Louder than me, which is loud enough, and is the only decibel of importance.

Then by sheer willpower, I lift my head, look at the computer screen, and write.

19 comments

  1. This is so very true! I am constantly finding myself pulled in this ebb and flow as well. It is like the universe is creating the situation and squeezing you to make you focus allowing you to become what you can become.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Adrienne says:

    Very nice to meet you! Writer to writer.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. esoterica says:

    The void is so loud, and the apathy can be gripping–suffocating, even. It’s perceptive of you to recognize the oncoming wall of stagnation, and will allow you to start carving out a small hole to pass through. Look towards the horizon and keep lifting your feet, one after the other. I can relate to everything you’ve written here, and I hope we can both find our paths through the void.

    Liked by 1 person

    • ohokeaho says:

      We can. It takes a tremendous amount of focus. I’m in the process right now of realizing how distracted I always am. I think I tend to switch to different tasks too often. My mind tends to race and I’m always keeping myself busy, which is why I have a hundred projects going at the same time. But I need to be able to focus on one task at a time and keep bringing that ball of light back to that one task when I get distracted. It’s a chore right now, but I”m hoping to master it in this lifetime.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Hi O. How do you avoid the burnout? Today I’m confronted with the question of rest- is it more effective to take a complete break to recoup or to slow down the pace of work/ life to recoup? I’m still not sure. Will try to find time over the next few weeks to read more of your thoughts here

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I sense anxiety in this essay perhaps your circadian is sensing winter’s approach..?
    …like a shadow of authority watching over your shoulder validating your inner paranoia..?
    A change of seasons is felt by the “earth sensitive” type personality which I believe you to be Mr Ohokeaho [really enjoy writing your name..it’s technically poetic,lol] I too am avoiding a sense of foreboding that seems creeping.
    But I also look forward to seeing the “other side” of your prose this winter.
    DRBII 2018

    Like

    • ohokeaho says:

      Maybe the switching of the seasons. And yes, I’m very much an earth sign. Very grounded type personality. Always carrying others on my back. But it’s what we do. It could be Mars in retrograde but it’s coming out so my energy has been shifting. I believe it’ll go direct in the next day or so and my energy will likely get hyper focused. Someone on Twitter describe my writing voice as “hyper-local” and I’m fascinated by that description. I like that. Hyper-local. It’s so true. I like realizations. They keep my mind going and makes me want to think of other connections. But yes, this is quite the ride. This winter will be a cold one and I’m looking forward to writing. Thank you again, CNN. You’re always engaging and very interesting. Your reponses make me think, and I’m grateful.

      Like

      • Thanks for sharing that with me Oscar it helps me gauge my interpretation of your digitized emotions as prose and also my detection of nuance. I am very sensitive to nuance I hope I did not intrude your sensibilities with my candid observation and comment. I look forward to your writing as “hyper-local” seems an outstanding adjective discovered. I too get a sense of having just spoken to you after reading your works, similar to De ja vu
        But succinct and relative. I look forward to your “other” side.
        Thank you for your contributions You represent Native Americana well. DRBII 2018 cnnchaosnewsnetwork

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Wonderful! Apathy is like lead coursing through the veins – if a word like ‘coursing’ could be used in such a situation. An unbearable weight. Ugh!! And then one forces oneself to carry on.

    Liked by 1 person

    • ohokeaho says:

      Coursing is a good word. I like how it implies movement. Albeit slow at times and fast at others, but coursing nonetheless. Thank you, Petru. I’m glad to find solidarity in the battle against apathy.

      Like

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